Meltdown

It's been a rough week, and not just because of the Dow. Jamie's been putting in very long hours, it's been a CRAZY busy week and things are only going to get busier. Today was my mom's birthday and even though it should be easier after two years, it still sucks.

Cassie's Godmother Lara called this afternoon to thank me for her birthday present and I melted. She didn't even get to thank me for the present (she called back later to check on me and actually thank me for the sweater) b/c I melted.

About Sherman: I love dogs, I've had a dog in some capacity for the last 27 years and he is going to be a great dog some day. I honestly can't imagine my life without a dog. We were home from our honeymoon for exactly 7 days before I got dog. I remember rolling over, looking at Jamie and saying, "If you're going to work this much, I gotta get a dog." I picked out Baxter at the Humane Society that night. That "three month old Lab" puppy was actually a nine month old pit bull mix. He was a good dog for me for six great years and for Amy for another three and I will forever be grateful to her for taking him when the vet said he needed a new home. Then came Woody--the one we were going to find a "nice home for" found ours and was such a great dog for our family. He was six when he came to live with us, and spent his final eight years with us. I miss him every day.

There have been others: Bella, the impulse beagle rescue who had toileting issues and went back to the pound in a clomid-tantrum after one too many "presents" on the playroom floor; Spike, the object-possessive rescue who went back to rescue b/c I refused to have an object-possessive dog in my house w/my small children. Relinquishing those dogs was incredibly difficult, but ultimately, my life was better for it. And is the whole reason for pets to make life better?

I don't know what we're going to do yet. Chase knows what is going on--he knows Mom is having a hard time and that something may have to give. We've discussed it. He's not thrilled, but he'll be okay.

Basically, I'm an idiot. I accept this and admit it. I hadn't had a puppy in years. I was seventeen when we got Max. Max was a shih tzu. The difference between a shih tzu puppy (who lives with two other dogs and no little kids) and a golden retriever puppy fairly defies description. Even Baxter--who was nine months old when I got him--I was working full time...I didn't have babies, he was my baby! He probably would have been just as nuts as Sherman if I'd had little kids, but I didn't. And I was working, so I wasn't dealing with him 18 hours a day. Nor was I juggling his needs with the needs of two other little ones. I honestly had no idea at all what I was getting into when we got Sherman. Not. A. Clue. It was stupid. It was naive. And now I'm dealing w/the results of my stupidity and naivete.

Jamie is supportive either way. He would like to try to help out a little more. We're going to do one more week of training when Dad has his knee replaced. It is board and train, so we'll see what a week w/o him is like. Quite honestly it will be my first dogless week in 11 1/2 years. We'll see how it goes...

I want what is best for everyone. I want Sherman in the best possible home for him--where he is exercised, trained, loved, and happy. And I want our home to be a happy home. I don't know if those two things are compatible right now, but I'm working on it.