You may be a bad mom if...

your kid loses a tooth and then really loses the tooth. In your house. But not in the sofa cushions (checked there), coffee table, vacuum cleaner bag, or any other identifiable surface in the place. Did the dog eat it? IDK. Maybe the tooth fairy is real and grabbed it when we weren't looking, but that darn tooth is nowhere to be found! Yeah. I pretty much suck at this mom thing.

On the bright side, I found some post-Cassie delivery percocet and can't feel my back, so the night hasn't been a total loss...

Week. From. Hell.

ouch

So I've been blogging about getting old A LOT lately. Today is no exception. Let me first tell the tale of "Christi, her two crazy kids and the stupid Sprint store."

Wednesday night the center button on my Palm Centro stopped working. Since the red power button was already behaving oddly, yesterday I took my phone to the nearest Sprint store. I grabbed a customer service guy and he gave it to a tech person and assured me it would only be 20 minutes or so. 45 minutes of hell later (Cassie threw such a tantrum that a perfect stranger gave me candy, and breaking all safety rules, I took it and fed it to her,) I grabbed another customer service rep and explained that lunch/nap were right around the corner and they hadn't seen ANYTHING yet re: her behavior, so I'd come back if it was going to be any longer. Allegedly my phone was fixed and it seemed to be working fine, so we left. Fast forward four hours later when I was mid-convo w/Jenn and I thought her phone (she was driving) dropped our call. Imagine my surprise when I realized it was MY phone. Which ceased to function at all. So when Jamie FINALLY got home, I hopped in the momobile and went back to the Sprint store. This time, I was diagnosed with a "fried" motherboard (apparently that is the technical term) and told I'd get a new phone in 3-5 days, but everything (it's a Palm Centro--so it's not just a phone, it's my planner/calendar/address book/camera, etc) was gone. GONE! Apparently I was to back it up on my PC b/c "these things happen." Um, yeah. Nice to know that now. So if we've got plans in '09, please call and let me know b/c I have no record of that and no short term memory. Also, if you're reading this and not my dad or husband, I no longer have your phone numbers, so drop me an email with those too, please! Thanks.

Anyway, when I got home from Sprint, I noticed the overflowing trash can in the garage and remembered that today is trash day. Cursing Jamie for not taking it out when he got home, I briefly remembered his warning that it was slick out, but pushed it aside b/c it was RAINING (not sleeting) and the driveway just looked wet. So I hopped out, hit the inch thick sheet of ice and went down hard. If I didn't crack a rib, I've got the mother of all bruises. It hurts to move, it hurts to breathe--it sucks to be me right now. I managed to get the trash to the curb though and get inside. Then I took an Ambien (couldn't find any decent painkillers) and tried to sleep it off. Unfortunately I'm old and sleeping it off hasn't worked. I still hurt. And every painful breath was a painful reminder that Sprint sucks.

So I headed back to the Sprint store (w/the kids in tow again) and spoke to a manager. I very politely explained that it was my third trip in 24 hours and while I realized that not backing the phone up was my fault, that in this day and age w/Fed Ex and couriers and whatnot, 3-5 business days for a new phone is unacceptable, and I knew we could find an acceptable solution. While Cassie untied bows on their decorative packages, the manager agreed to give me a new phone IF I signed up for insurance for the new phone. Okay, fine, whatever. I retied the bows, got my new (PINK!) phone, and got the hell out of there. Apparently, Sprint would really like to keep their customers happy and keep their business. So now I'm happy, I've already synced the new phone and laptop, and will do so regularly to prevent total data loss again. Other than the constant nagging pain (yet another reminder that I'm no longer a bouncing spring chicken), things are slowly improving. Jamie just sent flowers b/c I've had such a rough couple of days. And Chase finally lost his second tooth.

Maybe things are looking up...

So in the interest of helping my male readers (do I have male readers? I'm not real sure about that...) I'm going to post a helpful list of things NOT to do when watching your children (specifically, your one year old daughter):

1. Do not forget to feed her lunch and then tell your wife, "But she had lots of bacon and I gave her a six ounce bottle before her nap!"

2. Do not let her pick out a movie, plunk her in front of the TV for two hours to watch it and call it "snuggle time." If you want to snuggle on the couch, try reading a picture book (or 10) to her.

3. Do not pay more attention to your laptop than your children and puppy. Or the dog may eat the face off one of your daughter's stuffed animals...and if that happens, don't smack the dog. Smack yourself for your inattentiveness!

4. Do not argue with your wife when she calls bullshit on your aforementioned parenting techniques. Remember, if mama ain't happy, ain't nobody happy.

Another Date Night with Chase

Last night Chase and I went roller skating w/his Cub Scout pack. The first half hour was hell. I asked one of the Dads in my Den if the rink had a bar. They don't, but he had a 12 pack in the car. If I didn't hate beer like the proverbial fat kid and gym class, I would have polished that whole thing off. It was that bad. It's my fault. Mik and I had our sixth bday party at a roller rink. By third grade, we spent every Wednesday night at the roller rink. We could roller skate old school like Xanadu. I took Chase once when he was three and it was a disaster. He had ice skating lessons shortly after that, but we haven't done either since I got pregnant w/Cass.

Midway through last night we switched him to inline skates and he did rather well after that. He's not great, but he's cute out there and has a good time. So much so that he decided to have his seventh bday party at the roller rink. Since I need to book a party soon, tonight we scoped out another rink closer to the house. Unfortunately, when I looked up the hours online, it didn't say anything about Friday night being "teen night." Tween night is probably a more accurate description, as the kids weren't that much bigger than Chase.

There is nothing like being surrounded by waif-like tweens decked out head to toe in Hollister to make a mom (in Ann Taylor) feel old. Add to that the fact that I didn't recognize one song (NOT ONE!) the entire two hours we were there. And the twerp who apologized profusely for shouting "SH*T!" in front of me and Chase...yeah, because you know that was the first time my precious heard that word! I appreciated the respect, but it still made me realize that I'm OLD! Old. Old. Old. And not cool.

Fortunately, my first grader still thinks I'm super cool. And I really, really enjoy our one on one time. This evening he recognized a little girl from his BFF Dylan's class at the rink. He skated over and asked if she would be skating any more this evening. She got ALL embarrassed and hid behind her mom, but her mom thought Chase was adorable. Hopefully that isn't a sign of Chase's luck w/the ladies in the future...

Off to bed with me. Sherman is asleep at my feet. He got to play with Lucy (his Golden girlfriend), Oreo (his Great Dane friend) and Lennox (his Boxer bff) this evening on our walk so he is tuckered out! Check out my Facebook profile for pics of him and his new duck. And for pics of Chase's school party this morning. In case I haven't said it lately--Mrs. Duemler is really a very wonderful teacher. I <3 her.

JOLT!

What a difference a week makes! So I know e collars are controversial. But that thing has made all the difference in our lives. Seriously, it's the difference between having a family pet that I love and a dog I just wanted to pawn off on whoever would take him. I've never had a particularly well trained dog before. Woody wasn't, but he was small enough that it didn't really matter. Ditto Baxter. And Max & Reggie before them. But 60-70lbs of untrained puppy can not coexist with a toddler. Not without Mom losing her mind. Now, I've got a dog that sits, lies down, climbs (goes to his bed and stays there), leaves it, and drops it. Oh, and he waits at the door for me to exit first. Instead of confining him to his crate all the time, he gets a climb command and hangs out in his bed. I've even been letting him upstairs to lie on my bed (he loves that!) instead of crating him when I put laundry away. He's really becoming a full-fledged member of the family now...

It's not for everyone, but for us, it's made a huge difference in the quality of ALL our lives. And it doesn't even hurt. I did it to my hand. It is unpleasant, but not painful. I can't believe I'm saying this, but it may be the best Christmas present EVER...

Finally a free moment to sit down. What a crazy week! I'm not going to lie, life w/o a dog a much, much easier. If Woody had died and I'd gotten used to dog-free life, we'd be a dog-free family for a while. However, this morning I caught Cassie in the dining room kissing Sherman's picture. So while she hasn't verbalized that she misses him--she misses him. And I miss him. The house is cleaner (no nose prints on the door or paw prints on the floors) and life is easier, but I do miss our crazy furball nonetheless. Which is a good thing. B/c the week of training and boarding this week cost almost twice as much as my new suit. Merry Christmas to me...

I called his trainer to check in this afternoon and she said the electronic collar is working beautifully and he will now maintain his "climb" command (staying in his bed), even when distracted by his favorite dogs! If this transfers to home, life will be much easier for us all!

I've been doing quite a bit of Christmas shopping today. Wal Mart's site to store feature rocks. You can shop online, then pick up in store to avoid shipping charges (and spending more time than absolutely necessary in the hellhole that is Wal Mart). 12 people down, 9 to go. I need to consult w/Mary Ann this weekend about a gift for Jamie's grandmother and his great aunt (we drew his great aunt in family drawing--both are in their 90s and I have NO IDEA what to get them). The family is mostly done...it's mostly just the kids' stockings (knocked some of that out today at Target) and my friends that are left. I have a few ideas for my friends...I just need to figure out the details and logistics of what I want to do...

I brought Daddy home from the hospital today. He's getting around ridiculously well. Home health and PT will be coming for a few weeks and I'll be stopping by every day to check in (and bug him) as well. We've got Cub Scouts tonight--I think Cassie is coming along, which should be interesting. And by interesting, I mean hell on Earth... Jamie hasn't gotten a deer, and neither has Jim, which means they won't be coming home early. Apparently they haven't seen any deer large enough to shoot. I pointed out that next time they should try Iowa instead of Kansas b/c the bucks are bigger up north. But then I thought, "WTH am I saying next time for?" Because he will not live to see another fall like this one until we're empty-nesters. Of course, Sherman's boarding bill should be enough to put the kabosh on many more trips. ;) B/c if Daddy gets to go on vacation, so does Shermy!

I'm off to find games for my Tiger Cubs to play tonight...

It's been a crazy couple of days. I got up at 4am this morning to take dad to the hospital for his surgery. He didn't have the anesthesia issues he had with his last surgery (thank God) and recovery was much shorter. I'd say he's resting comfortably, ,but he's in quite a bit of pain. Instead I'll say that he's rather drugged and hopefully will not remember just how painful a total knee replacement is. On the bright side, every nurse at his bedside diagnosed sleep apnea. He was snoring so loudly that I had to leave the room!

My stomach is a bit upset--I'm hoping it's just nerves from Dad's surgery...Jamie is hunting (again) this week with Dad in the hospital, getting sick right now is NOT an option.

The house is decorated for Christmas--hopefully I'll get caught up on the laundry tomorrow. Today is not the day!